Let me just start off by saying WOW I am so happy to get this website together again and be here with you all! As we near the end of this super intense year, I thought there couldn’t possibly be a better time to start sharing with you guys. I feel a little bit like i am bringing back the band. I can’t wait to share pieces of my life here. It is really super important to share my story with you all before we dive into banana breads, cozy soups & oat bowls….sit down and enjoy the ride because I am finally laying it all out there.
So many health journeys begin with “I had this chronic issue, I switched to a plant based lifestyle and wa-la I was magically healed forever.” This isn’t my case at all. It has been many lifetimes of adventures but, at the end of the day I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am here now, still evolving and figuring out what works best and what feels best for me. Health isn’t EVERYTHING. What we put in our mouths and how we move our bodies is only one teeny piece to this puzzle of life. It doesn’t deserve to be put on a pedestal and it doesn’t deserve a gold medal. Eating too many kale salads will not fill your cup.
Let’s start at the beginning. I had a pretty standard American childhood growing up. My mother was an incredible cook. We had meat, vegetables and a starch on the dinner table every single night all cooked from scratch. Cereals, standard sliced breads, Cream of Wheat & egg sandwiches filled our breakfast plates. Turkey sandwiches, mac and cheese, little bags of Lays chips, Goldfish & chicken nuggets were on the lunch menu. I am one who actually somehow loved school lunches made by the school cafeteria. We didn’t have a lot too much junky processed food but we also were not deprived of the Standard American Diet by any means.
When I was twelve I learned what calories were. Some of the girls in the lunch room would talk about having less of an appetite and wanting to exercise more. This wasn’t really anything I latched onto or followed. I still continued to eat whatever I wanted & whenever I wanted. I did start to become curious about nutritional labels at this time and started looking first in the food in our pantry. I started to pay attention to TV commercials, low fat labels. Low calorie labels. Low carb labels. There was a brief moment where all i wanted to eat was pretzel rods because the giant Costco container said “Fat Free” on the front label in huge bright green font. A few pictures of myself during this brief stint show my face is much thinner. I still felt comfortable in my body but there was something dark looming that made me think more about calories and food labels.
I got through high school & college without a scathe of disordered eating. I allowed myself to eat a half tray of brownies if I was in the mood for it. I stopped at McDonald’s for chicken sandwiches and fries on the way home from SUNY college. I felt strong and athletic & proud that I was a person who both moved and ate freely.
I’ve experienced significant trauma in my childhood. Certain DNA genes that were passed down left me with a sort of ‘adult-on-set’ addiction behavior. I know what you’re thinking. '“A drug addict! Maybe she’s an alcoholic?! There is always the possibility of a gambling problem..” No, none of that. In fact, quite the opposite. I’ve stayed about from all drugs and recreational drinking because of parental behaviors that led me to never want to attach myself to such diseases.
When I was in my early twenties I started getting really obsessed with what I ate. I started looking at my body in a completely different mirror. A mirror that told me I should be thinner, more muscular, more fit, more flexible. I immediately cut out entire food groups and I began controlling everything I put on my plate. Four almonds, 4 slices of grapefruit, 1/4 cup of oatmeal. It got so intense and happened so quickly it was all encompassing. The weight flew off my body. In one month I lost 25 lbs. My small frame just let it all go. The whispers started behind walls and doors. I was terrified of what was happening to me, but I was already so deep I couldn’t help myself on my own. If i were a medical professional I would diagnose my disordered eating as orthorexia: when eating ‘well’ becomes unhealthy.
It was also this time that I decided to shift towards a clean plant based diet. I knew that staying away from all sugars and carbs kept me extremely thin. So I ate salads. Salad for lunch, salad for dinner. A baby sized cup of oatmeal for breakfast. Day in and day out. Year after year. You guys, this was the most exhausting space I’ve ever been in. If i ran an Iron Man, I still don’t think it would compare next to the exhaustion I was living for so many years not feeding myself. I was not feeding my spirit or my heart. Not to mention I had to stress about every social interaction. I had to worry constantly about restaurants, menus, who was cooking with too much oil or if there wouldn’t be salad greens on the table for me.
I broke down several times. I cried for help silently. My bones hurt when I sat in the bathtub.
I went to India In January 2019. The trip popped up through my home yoga studio and I knew right away I had to do this. I had to be completely thrown out of my strict yet cozy nest. I had to travel to uncomfortable places in order to get through this nasty disorder that was ruining my life. My trip to India completely changed my life. I tried everything that was put in front of me. I went to the buffet table for seconds and thirds. My soul felt so happy and relieved. I was smiling and enjoying this beautiful vegetarian Indian food with the most wonderful people in the most incredible cities I had ever been to. I felt a thousand times lighter and a million times fuller. I came home just 16 days later and my family looked at me in disbelief. I started my journey of healing and what a journey it is! Still to this day!
My plant based lifestyle has changed tremendously throughout the past few years. It has evolved from eating solely because i thought plants were ‘clean’ to truly caring about our environment and our planet and the impact I am making here in this life.
Now, onto the banana bread!
My Favorite Banana Bread
INGREDIENTS
1/3 cup non-dairy milk + 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons ground flax
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 cup mashed ripe bananas* (4 bananas)
2 heaping tablespoons creamy roasted almond butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 cups oat float
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
INSTRUCTIONS
Preheat your oven to 350F and prepare your baking pan by lining with parchment paper.
In a small bowl, combine your non-dairy milk and apple cider vinegar and allow to sit for about 2 minutes or until slightly thicker. This creates a mock “buttermilk” effect.
In a large bowl, whisk together wet ingredients (maple syrup, mashed banana, nut butter, vanilla, almond milk mixture) along with your ground flax.
Sift in your remaining dry ingredients and mix until combined and a smooth batter forms.
Transfer mixture into lined baking pan and pop into the oven for about 35-45 minutes.
Once baked and lightly golden brown on top, allow the loaf to cool for 30 minutes before enjoying or slicing.
